Often I come across posts about how parents have become soft and that’s the reason that kids are so messed up. Parents who choose to not spank their kids or who are their “friend” are wrong in doing so because it is the reason that all these kids are out of line, violent, rude, bullies. The parents are at fault because they don’t bully their children. Because they aren’t violent. Kids these days are spoiled and entitled little brats, or so all of these posts say, and it’s all the fault of the parents not being tough enough.
I call BULLSHIT.
These posts make my blood boil. Great, you survived the wooden spoon, the belt, the beatings. You survived being told eat it or have nothing (hungry kids actually are assholes). You survived the “suck it up” and “I’ll give you something to cry about.”
I am willing to bet as a child you didn’t feel like you were surviving. I bet you didn’t feel strong or loved or happy much of the time. I am willing to bet as an adult you have emotional scars that run deep. You may not recognize it being a cause of that. Anxiety perhaps? Depression? Things you hear or see on TV or in a book or on the Internet that trigger emotions that you can’t explain.
Because let me tell you what I think. I think to survive in this society most parents have to work. I think kids are in day care and see their parents at the end of a long day and on weekends and they miss them. I think the time spent with kids is hurried because when else will you get it all done? When kids start school they are overloaded with homework.
When are families able to spend time together? Between working and school and homework and laundry and meal making and household chores and grocery shopping and extra curricular activities and seeing extended family and birthday parties and holidays…tell me. WHEN DO FAMILIES SPEND TIME AS FAMILIES?
Why are kids in elementary school given homework? They are so young. They don’t need homework. They need time to be a kid. Middle school is even pushing it, in my opinion. They can learn many more valuable things if they are allowed the time. Instead they are reading textbooks and doing worksheets and all of the other fucking shit that’s not important after sitting in a classroom all day long. Kids need to unwind. But are they given time to do so? Between homework and dinner and getting ready for bed, how much time does that leave?
The lack of family time, in my opinion, is way more detrimental to our children’s mental health than parents being soft. And who can blame them? They spend all day doing what someone else needs them to do so a business can run so people can function in our backwards world. I may be wrong but the last thing I would want to do after being away from my kids all day is start yelling at them and hitting them with kitchen utensils and making them cry. Oh, but they are acting like little jerks? MAYBE it’s because they just want your attention for a little while. Sit down. Grab a dusty ass book off the bookshelf. Read a fucking book. Play a game. Take 20 minutes to reconnect.
Maybe I’m insane. What do I know. I spend all day at home with my kids. I am lucky as hell. I will never take this opportunity for granted. I am a soft parent most of my moments. Sometimes I yell, hell, I’m human. My kids? They are pretty amazing. I may be biased.
I guess this is all ramble-like because I can’t keep all my thoughts straight with this. I get all fired up. So…in conclusion. You don’t need to hit your kids or yell at them constantly or whatever the fuck else you all keep posting about it. You want kind kids? Be kind. Spend time with them. They are being difficult? Think of it from their perspective: my parents have been gone all day and I miss them because I love them because THEY ARE MY PEOPLE. Take time to reconnect. The results will be far more rewarding than smacking them. Also, this country needs to stop with the homework already. Just stop.
Our children are always watching and listening. I know this by the amount my almost 4 year old says inappropriate words. If you don’t want to raise an asshole? Don’t be one.
That is all for now.