I’m always whining and complaining and being fidgety and sad and frustrated and annoyed and tired and cranky and mean. Today I’m still tired. But I’m feeling good. I mean I’m dead tired but my thoughts aren’t. My thoughts are happy and thankful. So since I’m always blah blah blahing about the bad, here’s a story about the good.
You guys. My kids are pretty freaking awesome. I had so many moments today where I just looked at them with admiration and love. They are my people. It is pretty unbelievable.
Waverly took a nap today so that may help the happiness. I knew she was tired because she asked me to put tape on her dolls nose. I asked her how she wanted the tape because these things must be precise. I’ve learned this the hard way. She was so angry she started stomping her feet and screaming, becoming hysterical. “I WANT THE TAPE ON HER EYES!” Oh, right, so not on her nose as you asked. Okay. I still did it wrong. She fell asleep to Dave Matthews voice coming through the speaker.
She is insanely funny. She does things that make us laugh until we are crying. Her personality is very opposite of mine and I suppose that’s why I struggle with her but I love how different we are. She is everything I had always wanted to be. And when she is telling me a story about something, burps and says “excuse me” with her sweet voice while giggling, I laugh and melt. She has this laugh. It is giggly and loud and contagious. I love to hear that laugh. She asked me today if I can buy a bathing suit so I can bring her to swim. When I told her that I don’t know how to swim, she told me, “you just scoop your arms like this. Or do chicken airplane soldier,” and I hugged her so big. Duh, you crazy, old lady. Chicken. Airplane. Soldier. How do you not know this?
And Gannon. That boy had me laughing pretty hard today too. He had a dump truck full of blocks and told me I was a bear that had to chase him. So I did. A couple of times I snuck up on him and scared him so badly he jumped and ran screaming. The laughter that came out of him today was deep. It’s such a beautiful sound. He’s so serious usually. Analytical. Quiet. When he laughs it immediately makes me smile or laugh along. He told me he was hungry around lunch time and I informed him I was in the process of making lunch. He replied, “Well, my heart is full but my belly is empty.” Well I’m so, so glad your heart is full, sweet boy. That makes my heart full. Each night they give me a “super hug” before they head upstairs with Paul for bed. This is a pretty lengthy process to get a hug but they enjoy it so we do it. A super hug is, in short, a run around the house a couple of times while some “neat tricks” are performed until finally they come running at full speed across the living room and into my awaiting arms. Gannon told me tonight he put fireball in his mouth so he could have “super speed” and I guess it worked. He almost knocked me over.
I’m having so much fun watching Egan. I wish that his teeth didn’t affect his entire being so much and I also wish the bastards would just come through already. But today as I was watching him I was in amazement. He ate a tube of yogurt himself after he insisted I not help any further. He has been attempting to use a fork. He will watch us and imitate what we are doing, even though he hasn’t grasped how to get food onto the fork yet. Earlier today I noticed him with one of Waverly’s dolls and he was wiping her with a paper towel, just like Waverly does. He loves to have a pass with me, throwing a ball back and forth until he finds something else of interest. He climbed onto the train table in the playroom, dumped a bunch of blocks out so I moved the basket of blocks to the floor, and he proceeded to throw all of the blocks on the table into the basket. It was not an easy task and he knew he was accomplishing something. Each block that made it in resulted in a beaming smile. He is funny too, like Waverly and also very determined like Gannon. He sat for his first book today without trying to eat it or rip out the pages. I still can’t put him down for naps as he prefers to sleep on my shoulder and bedtime has been tricky. But right now, he is asleep, lying across my lap, his breathing slow and relaxed, and there is no place I’d rather be.
I will probably be tired for a very long time but these days that make me so tired my bones ache? They are fleeting. I wish I could feel like this everyday. These are the days that provide me with hope and encourage me to keep pushing forward. My kids. My wonderful husband. My life. I am fortunate to have what I have. I hope to feel this way every day, sooner rather than later.