We lie together..
There is music playing, typically. Lately we’ve been listening to Iron and Wine. The soft notes and gentle voice make my dreams bigger, my worries smaller, my breath deeper.
You fight over who gets the most space on my body. You both want a shoulder which is great since I have two. But you also want to drape your arms across my body and you don’t like touching each other.
We reach a comfortable place. I know sleep will come soon when the bantering stops and silence takes over. You’re listening to the music and our breath is synchronizing. It doesn’t take long until the tired is too big and sleep is the only choice.
You fall asleep while I stay awake thinking and dreaming.
Sometimes I will stay there, with you both nestled into me, and I’ll think about the years past. Coming home from the hospital after welcoming each of you into this world. Your first birthdays. Your second birthdays. Your third birthdays. And for one of you, your fourth and now fifth birthdays. I’ll think of little moments; laughter while swinging, a hug while looking out a window, digging for worms, eating a crisp green bean from the garden, a first. The first baths, the first steps, the first fall. I’ll think of how proud I am of big moments. That first bike race, the empathy you each show when your Mama is sad, your bravery at facing the world. I’ll think of all the things I hope for your futures. Mostly, though, I lie still and listen to you breathing. Deep, calm breaths. Your body processing all that has happened today.
What are you dreaming about?
I am fortunate to have these moments. The connection we needed after a long day of me being preoccupied trying to finish a task will carry us through. Tomorrow will be a fresh day and now I can be at ease since I spent the day cleaning and reorganizing things that were getting me down. Chaos in life makes chaos in my mind.
Tomorrow will come and we will be awake once again. The day will have challenging moments, as they all do. The day will end and a new one will start and the cycle of life will continue until life is no more.
But for now, sleep. Quiet those busy minds so you will be fresh tomorrow. You’re always learning. Watching. Listening. Observing.
Rest well, my sweet children. Dream happy dreams.